An Actual SCOTUS Nightmare

A common recurring nightmare is showing up for school as a student and being unprepared. I’ve often had a variant of that dream where I show up for the first day of class as a professor, and was unprepared to teach. In one dream I had years ago, I had to fake my way through teaching Pierson v. Post.

Last night I had a new variant of that dream, which was an actual Supreme Court nightmare. In the dream, I was co-counsel in a case set for argument. We are at the Supreme Court. The bench looks the same, but the bar section is much smaller. Chief Justice Roberts calls the case. Our lead counsel looks at me, and says “I can’t do it.” He steps down. I immediately panicked, as I hadn’t prepared for the argument at all. But I realize someone had to go to the podium, so it would have to be me. I walk to the podium, and say “Mr. Chief Justice and may it please the Court.” My mind then turns blank. I don’t know anything. I can’t even remember the name of the case. I don’t even know the name of our client. I just stand there in silence (something that has never happened before.) Justice Thomas, as per tradition, asks the first question. I have no clue what he is asking me, though I realize it is a softball to help me out.

At that point I turn around to look at the lead counsel to see if he can jump in, and he shakes his head no.

I then say “We will rely on the submissions in our brief,” and sit down. Given the circumstances, that was actually a pretty good save. I’m proud my dream-brain thought of that argument on the fly. The Chief Justice said “Thank you.” I don’t remember the Respondent arguing, and I didn’t give a rebuttal.

After the argument concludes, I walk down to the cafeteria. I am dreading all the hate mail I will get, so I didn’t even look at my phone. Several people at the Court are trying to cheer me up and tell me I did good by subbing in at the last second. I am still mortified.

So yes, the Supreme Court is always on my mind, even in my nightmares.

I searched through some old posts about law-related dreams. There were many: when Justice Kagan yelled at me, when Judge Posner yelled at me, when SCOTUS issued a cease and desist order against me, when Justice Kagan sang her hand-down of a Shelby County dissent, when the Solicitor General received an award from the Chief Justice, when Justice Thomas came to one of my book talks, when I showed Justice Breyer galleys of my book, and more.

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