Royal Rumble 2017

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Welcome to the 2017 Royal Rumble, with coverage from your friends Kayfabe Kevin and Bodacious Doug. This is what’s called a ‘live blog’ in which we will cover each match AS IT HAPPENS, save the few matches we missed.

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE Universal Championship:

This is a no DQ contest that we’re about 15 minutes into. Back and forth contest with chairs and other hellacious implements of destruction involved. Jericho as advertised as hanging 20 feet above the ring, yelling invective at the former Shield member.

Jericho has thrown down some brass knuckles which will be used for nefarious purposes. Owens clocks Reigns with the knucks but Reigns kicks out. Owens sets up a chair in the ring but Reigns drops him on the chair via samoan drop. Table time for Reigns, in one of the corners. Superman punch gets a near 3-count.

The match has slowed, and there’s a pyramid of chairs waiting outside for a terrifying final spot. Reigns reverses a suplex from the turnbuckle and punches Owens into the tower of chairs. Owens may be dead.

Reigns is eyeing the announce table, which is not good for anyone involved. Power bomb through the table, Owens in trouble. Spear set up but here’s Braun Strowman to interfere! Power slam through a table set in the corner. Owens drags himself over for the three count!

Owens retains, which is a surprise. Lots of scuttlebutt about Reigns winning to set up a possible Strowman vs. Reigns championship match at Wrestlemania. Looks like we’ll still get that, just without the gold on the line.

Pretty solid match between two guys who’ve had multiple matches over the last months. Keeping the belt on Owens through Wrestlemania could set up a ‘best friends’ battle between the champ and Jericho. The build up would need to start now, what with Jericho reportedly leaving post-Mania to tour with his band. I’ve listened to Fozzy and trust me when I say Jericho would be better off staying on the show.

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A Royal Rumble video package treats viewers to highlights from the last 30 years. I recently watched the ’95 Rumble, which took place in that dark time post-Hulkamania and before the Monday Night Wars. The match contained such luminaries as Kwang (aka Savio Vega), the Mantaur and the Blue Brothers, and I ain’t talking about Dan Akroyd and John Belushi.

Back to live-ish action, another video package in the run-up to the Cruiserweight championship match between newly heeled Neville and Rich Swann. The division is coming along decently enough after a slow start. They’re actually building characters, though the crowd reaction to the matches has been tepid at best. It will take some time to build interest, and new WWE isn’t great about letting characters build at a moderate pace that allows fans to, you know, care about them.

Neville vs. Rich Swann for the Cruiserweight Championship:

Neville is rocked up, and if I were a betting man I’d bet he comes out of this the winner. He’s been built as a monster heel of the cruiser division and a championship chase with Swann or someone new (I’d pick Jack Gallagher, who’s very entertaining) would set things up for WM.

Domination by the challenger thus far, though the crowd is more or less non-reactive. Rest hold rear chinlock on Swann, and a few experimental pin attempts by Neville on Swann. Crowd is quiet. Though just don’t feel these CW matches.

Rally by Swann, superkick, standing frankensteiner and twisting 450 splash has stunned Neville