Alien lesbians vow to kick Pope's ass

The world has been invaded, but no armies have been activated to fight off the alien horde.

Strange creatures calling themselves Raelians that devoutly practice their holy rites of group sex, bi-sexuality and sometimes the forbidden pleasures of certain plant extracts call their debauchery a religion.

A religion? Well, perhaps if you defined a 1960s commune retread as a serious religious theology.

Glamour lesbians

The self-styled ‘glamour lesbians’ that follow the Raelian playbook preach an all-powerful alien star civilization created Earth and the human race. Several years ago they focused on the Holy Father in Rome as the nexus of all evil and continue to bash Christianity–and in particular the Pope of the Roman Catholic Church–even today.

The whimsically named Gay Raelian Society–who in the past have staged both planned and impromptu demonstrations calculated to titillate the bemused journalists assigned to follow and report on the women’s antics–is upset that the leader of their…er, church…the most munificent and magnificent Rael, has not been afforded the same respect, deference and dignity that the spiritual leader of the world’s Catholics has received.
 

Raelian Eden Bates

A noisy spokesperson for the group of glamour lesbians, Eden Bates, was once quoted outside Australia’s seat of government complaining that His Holy Eminence the Pope was welcomed to Australia while, “our gorgeous, fantastic spiritual leader Rael wasn’t even given the respect of a visa.”

The Raelians–a cult-like group that believes aliens called the Elohim (the same ones mentioned in the Old Testament)–dropped in on Earth, found it wanting, and decided one afternoon to create the human race.

Maybe it was raining that day and they had to cancel the group picnic.

Close encounter with a wine bottle?

In any case, the strange religion was founded by French sports car journalist, Claude Vorillhon.

Vorillhon claimed he had a close encounter with an alien that explained it all to him. Seeing the predilection most Raelians have for a whopping good time, perhaps the alien met with Vorillhon over a good bottle of wine and was a part-time street tart. That, after all, might convince any red-blooded French sports car journalist.

Raelians like the glamour lesbian group rail against the Catholic Church because they believe the institution promotes the spread of sexually transmitted diseases with its policies concerning condom use. On the other hand, the Raelians avidly promote the cloning of the entire human race. That way, no STDs could be spread as it would eliminate the need for sex.

Of course, this flies in the face of their position on sexual liberation…but go figure. To be fair, some of the world’s best religions often seem internally self-contradictory.

Sex and outer space

The Raelians are roaming the globe choosing sites for the construction of gigantic landing pads for the Elohim ships to use when they return. When will that glorious day arrive?

No one seems sure.

Perhaps the Elohim work in mysterious ways. After all, the Raelians sure do.

So until the great Elohim return to lead the misguided human race towards the path to Nirvana, the Raelians will just have to make do with wild parties and proselytizing.

And the alien lesbians will continue protesting and threatening to kick the Pope’s ass.

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