Southern Laws of Fail

Written by Gloom Wire

It makes you wonder who came up with laws this bizarre to begin with. Is there usually not a driving force to cause laws to go into effect? Protesting, picketing, staging walk-out’s at the city council meeting? Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the time that some of these were created. 

Alabama

• It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street as long as you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
• Incestuous marriages are legal. 
• Boogers may not be carelessly thumped into the wind.

Florida

• Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
• It is illegal to sing in a public place while wearing a swimsuit. 
• The term “motor vehicle” was revised to exclude swamp buggies, as it was the primary mode of transportation.

Georgia

• It’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket on a Sunday. Monday – Saturday, you’re golden. 
• In Athens-Clarke County, if you must read your favorite book to your buddy in public, it has to be done before 2:45 A.M.. We can’t have you getting rowdy during the shenanigans of “Bridge to Terabithia” at 3:00 A.M.. 
• Also in Athens-Clarke County, mule owners may not allow their animals to traipse all over town unsupervised. 

Louisiana

• If you steal an alligator, you can face up to ten years in prison
• Forget your pants catching on fire. If you make a false promise, you could face up to a year in  jail. 
• If you intend to rob a bank, it’s illegal to shoot a water pistol at the bank teller.

Mississippi

• Private citizens may personally arrest any person that disturbs a church service
• Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging (because we don’t play around in the south.)
• In Tylertown, it’s unlawful to shave in the center of the main street. Please do that on the sidewalk.  

North Carolina

• Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. 
• When having sex, the shades must be closed, and you must remain in the missionary position. 
• If you are in possession of weed, crack, cocaine, heroine, or any illegal substance, you must pay taxes on them.

Oklahoma

• Dogs cannot clique into groups of three or more without a permit signed by the mayor.
• You may not allow your farm animals to place their hind legs in your boots. 
• You are not allowed to keep a box of tissues in the back of your car.

South Carolina

• You’re allowed to beat your wife as long as it’s on a Sunday, and it’s done on the courthouse steps. 
• When you’re rollin’ up to a four-way intersection in a vehicle not driven by a horse, you must stop 100 feet away from the intersection and fire your gun into the air to warn horse traffic of your approach. 
• You cannot keep your horse in the bathtub. Sorry. Find somewhere else for him to go.

Texas

• You are not allowed to sneak onto someone else’ farm and milk their cow. 
• The Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it has the formula for making homemade beer. 
• If two trains arrive at a railroad crossing at the same time, each must come to a full stop, and neither can proceed until the other has gone. (Clearly, the person who put this law into effect, found an Encyclopedia Britannica).

West Virginia
These shouldn’t shock anyone…..

• A male may have sex with an animal as long as the animal doesn’t weigh more than 40 pounds. 
• If you plow a deer down with your car (or any animal), you may take it home for dinner. (If it’s under 40 pounds, yes,  you can still have sex with it).
• You absolutely may not whistle while underwater. 

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