I Married a Feminist by Mike Stone
The wedding was great, all that I’d dreamed.
I had no way of knowing how bad I’d get reamed.
I loved her, yes, that much is true.
How was I to know she’d dye her hair blue?
A nose ring came next, followed by tattoos.
Where was my wife? What did I lose?
“You’re married,” I told her, “You look like a joke.”
“The reason you think that,” she said, “is because you’re not woke.”
“My hair and my nose ring and all that you see,
Are a break from the past, they show the new me.
I don’t like this marriage, I feel tied down.
And from your face, wipe off that frown.”
“I want a career, I want so much more
Raising our children is, oh, such a bore.”
“That’s your job,” I told her, “it’s what mothers do.”
“I knew it was a mistake,” she said, “to get married to you.”
Her new career was spending hours on the web
Posting pictures of herself, half naked in bed.
When I saw what she was doing, we had a big fight.
It lasted all day and into the night.
“You’re a mother,” I told her, “how can you do this?”
“Incels pay money,” she said, “so I blow them a kiss.”
She drowned me out singing, “I’m a woman, hear me roar,
Men sending me money, doesn’t make me a whore.”
She became active in politics, marching and screaming,
With other young women, their anger teeming.
Raised with privilege, and every advantage you can name,
Yet there they were marching, all looking the same.
“I support open borders,” she said, “like an overflowing cup.
With more men to compete for me, my value goes up.
I don’t care about the country, I don’t care about crime.
I care about me, and my feelings are prime.”
She told our young daughter that all men oppress,
She told our young son to wear a frilly red dress.
“He’s going to be a girl,” she said, “all proper and prim.
If I can’t hurt you direct, I’ll get you through him.”
She sued for divorce, calling me a great villain.
She said I was cruel, a menace to all women.
There’s no way she wins this, I thought, but the joke was on me,
Because the judge wore a cap shaped like a pink pussy.
She gave my wife everything, the kids and the house.
She shook her gavel at me, and called me a louse.
I married a feminist, now I’m lonely and broke.
I guess you could say, I’ve become fully woke.
Mike Stone is the author of A New America, the first novel of the Alt-Right, a dark comedy set on Election Day 2016 in Los Angeles – - Available on Amazon.