“California’s newest millionaire will be announced on June 15, just when the state plans to reopen. Funny how it’s all happening at the exact same time that the governor is facing a recall election.”
“Of course, this all has the possibility of breeding resentment. How would you feel if you took your jab in exchange for a free donut while your neighbor got a lap dance for his?”
by Mike Stone
Hot on the heels of Ohio’s first million dollar vaxpot, California has announced that it too will join in the fun with their very own $1.5 million vaccine incentive lottery.
Just think what you could do with $1.5 million! After all, someone has to win, so why not you? Just roll up your sleeve and Yippee!
California’s newest millionaire will be announced on June 15, just when the state plans to reopen. Funny how it’s all happening at the exact same time that the governor is facing a recall election. Wait, what? Get those dirty conspiracy theories out of your mind! It’s all a coincidence.
Gee, I wonder if a homeless person will win. California leads the nation in homeless people. You’d think they’d all be down for this, right? I mean, homeless people aren’t exactly strangers to needles (Heh Heh).
What’s one more jab going to hurt. Dude, you just hit the vaxpot!
Look at this guy giving the shot. He certainly looks like he knows a thing or two about health, doesn’t he?
I’m curious how this will improve the state’s vaccination numbers. It certainly worked in Ohio. They improved vaccination rates by 45%. Gotta hand it to whoever came up with the idea. What are donuts and beer compared to a million dollar lottery?
In addition to the big cash prize, a kid in Ohio won a full-ride college scholarship. Check him out below. What’s a little needle in the arm compared to college?
Other states are expected to follow Ohio and California’s lead. Soon there will be paid trips to Las Vegas, paid trips to Hawaii. Have you ever wanted to go to Hawaii? Just think, you step off the plane, some hot-looking Hawaiian gal throws one of those flower things over your head and kisses your cheek, and then ping! The needle goes right in your arm.
Forget Clown World, we’re now living in Freebie World. Everything is free, as long as you take the jab.
Not to be outdone, Hustler is offering lap dances from a vaccinated “entertainer” to anyone who gets jabbed at their club. I imagine that will be hard for the average incel to turn down.
So it’s still unlawful in some places for people to hug their grandchildren, and the poor folks who passed in the nursing homes were denied contact from their relatives, but lap dances are not only okay, they’re encouraged.
Now that I think about it, sex is probably the easiest way for our medical establishment to increase their jab numbers. People have been locked down for so long, they’ll do anything for a little human contact.
The smart folks are waiting for the celebrity deals. They want a day hanging out with Beyonce and Jay-Z in exchange for their jab. How about lunch with Warren Buffett, or a spirit cooking dinner with Hillary and Huma? The possibilities are endless.
Of course, this all has the possibility of breeding resentment. How would you feel if you took your jab in exchange for a free donut while your neighbor got a lap dance for his? Or if all you got was a glass of stale beer while the kid across the street got a free ride to Harvard?
Gonna have to think long and hard about this one. After all, I’m not a cheap date.
Mike Stone is the author of Based, a young adult novel about race, dating and growing up in America, and A New America, the first novel of the Alt-Right, a dark comedy set on Election Day 2016 in Los Angeles – - Available on Amazon.
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