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David Makow 1923-2021 -- On Father's Day, I Mourn

Saturday, June 19, 2021 21:33

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(Dr. David Makow, last year at 96)

Sunday is Father’s Day

After my father wouldn’t

let my mother feed me

as a baby, the die was cast.

We could never be friends

because my crying made

me his adversary.

Only after he died May 27 did I realize I loved him anyway. But it was too late to show it.

by Henry Makow Ph.D.

(Updated from 2011)

I am not the world’s greatest father and I didn’t expect my father to be perfect either.

A Polish Jew, he overcame many obstacles. His parents were murdered by the Nazis when he was 19. He survived the war by pretending to be a Gentile, did four years of high school in one, entered the MIT of Europe, became a physicist, and built a new life in Canada.

He was always a father, never a friend. Many think that fathers should not be friends. “It is the job of parents to see that the [societal] barriers hold,” W. Cleon Skousen writes in “So You Want to Raise a Boy?” (1958, p.232)

Like Skousen, my father saw his role as keeping me “on track.” Since his success was based on higher education, “on track” meant keeping me in school.

I was not allowed to get off the treadmill. Despite the fact I had written a syndicated newspaper column at age 11, which he helped me with, he never believed in me or my good intentions. He always treated me like a loose cannon.

He would not meet me half-way. I still remember causing a ruckus when I was eight because he wouldn’t let me watch I Love Lucy because it was past my bed time.

After high school graduation, I wanted to work in a mine. Then, I planned to go to an out-of-town university known for its radical leftist professors. (I was a Lefty back then.)

My father exerted great pressure, including the inducement of the old family car, to make me enroll at the local university at once. I fell into a depression. I only completed three of five courses with poor grades.

He wouldn’t let me follow my dream and learn from experience. My spirit broken, I ended up staying at university, as a kind of hospice, and finally got a PhD.

On another occasion, I wanted to use the family cottage as a spiritual retreat like Thoreau’s Walden Pond. Again, no deal. Get your thesis done.

FEEDING FRENZY

Our relationship was shaped when my father wouldn’t let my mother feed me as a baby.

A doctor’s book recommended babies be “trained” to eat at mealtimes. I cried my lungs out and then was too exhausted to eat. It wasn’t Dr. Spock. I think it was Dr. Mengele.

Dad wasn’t ready to start a family. He tried to train me the second I came out of the womb.

The landlord complained. My crying caused my father to regard me as some kind of adversary or “loose cannon.”

As a result, I had an “unloved feeling” in my heart until I was 50-years-old, not knowing why. I thought maybe it was part of being Jewish.

My father paid dearly for his mistake. Until the age of eleven, I was a holy terror. I consciously made trouble to “get love.” I even had a gang called the “Bubble Gang” because it rhymed with trouble. I got in trouble with the police for mischief more than once.

A NEW START

After returning from a year in Switzerland where my father completed his PhD, I felt that people could forget my lies (such as, I spoke Polish), and I could make a fresh start.

I switched strategy and became an overachiever to get love. I began writing an advice-to-parents column, “Ask Henry” for 40 newspapers and appeared on The Jack Paar Show and in Life Magazine.

I know “feeling unloved” is small potatoes in this age of incest and child trafficking. No, I wasn’t raised as a girl or encouraged to experiment with homosexuality. These were the nineteen-fifties. Nonetheless, this seemingly trivial issue shaped my life.

What kind of parent lets his baby go hungry because it’s not dinner time?

I’m not imagining this. In his self-published autobiography, he says that when my younger brother came along, he let my mother feed him. As a result, my brother’s personality was “more balanced” and he was “easier to love.” (His words.) And not a word of apology or regret. He assumed I wasn’t scared but I think I was. Amazing how infant experience can scare a person for life.

My wife says, “Get over it” and believe me I have. I don’t hold grudges. We all make mistakes. Generally, he was a great father and did his best. I admired him, but I tend to love people who believe in me rather than keep me “in line” which began practically at birth.

He likely had more reason to feel “unloved” than I did. How could he not be emotionally damaged? Children feel so endlessly entitled. Parents are real people with real problems. Parenthood really is “paying it forward.”

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED A FRIEND

“I admired him, but I tend to love people who believe in me rather than keep me ‘in line.’”

I wrote this line last year.

I would call every week on Facetime and tell him how much I loved him and was grateful for the great life he had given me. He didn’t say anything and I would search his face to see if he understood.

A couple of weeks before he died, his soul seemed to reach out to me. He was scared. I felt a real soul to soul connection for the first time.

I called again the next day hoping to renew this connection but after that brief connection, his facial expression exuded anger.

They had given him the vaccine and I think he knew it was killing him.

He wasn’t ready to die. He was pretty comfortable in the nursing home. His private Filipina caregiver was devoted to him.

If only I had been mature enough to overcome our feud when we were younger. I wish I could have had that soul-to-soul. Now it’s too late forever.

The lesson is don’t differences prevent you from reaching the people closest to you. The opportunity ends.

As a child, we’d go for long walks. I would hold his thumb and ask him questions about life. This memory still makes me cry. He was my father.

I didn’t think I loved him but I did.

—-

Makow – Feminism Deprives Girls of Father’s Love
——– “Sensible Son”

David Makow - A Promise to Live

———————— Dangerous Luck

Source: https://henrymakow.com/should_a_father_be_his_sons_fr.html

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Comments

Total 4 comments

allendaves

#2 SECOND COMING Thou Fool! “I come quickly” so “Hold fast till i come”… NOT …“in another 2000 yrs I might be coming soon any time now, so hold fast”!?! …those that deny the second coming of Christ in the war of AD70 are practicing a damnable heresy in denying the lord that bought them ( 2Peter 2:1-2 ;2Tim 4:8/ you cant love an appearing you deny& the context is the 2nd coming not the first)… Mat 7:23..”I NEVER KNEW YOU” …..Mat 10:33. But whosoever shall deny me before men……..sound familiar?…. If I said I am coming to your house in this generation when these things happen but no one knows the day or hour what fool would think I might be coming in 2000 years latter!?!? ..2 Tim 4: 4. And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be TURNED UNTO FABLES. 2Thess 2: 11. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: 12. That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness. DOWNLOAD FREE THE ENTIRE 480PG BOOK AT SEVERAL LOCATIONS https://www.scribd.com/doc/305366745/Revelation-the-First-Gospel-of-the-Kingdom or http://www.globethics.net/gtl/5455069 Revelation The First Gospel of The Kingdom or https://www.academia.edu/23464127/REVELATION_THE_FIRST_GOSPEL_OF_THE_KINGDOM

https://www.scribd.com/doc/305367608/The-Trinity-Heresy OR https://www.academia.edu/23463667/THE_TRINITY_HERESY or http://www.globethics.net/gtl/10920799 THE TRINITY HERESY

Predestination….its true..its all true…download here https://www.scribd.com/doc/306868420/Most-True-Christians-Go-to-Hell http://www.globethics.net/gtl/10920800 Most true Christians go to hell https://www.academia.edu/25217564/Most_True_Christains_Go_to_Hell

Jun 19, 2021, 9:43 pm 0 Reply
- Hi NSA, kiss my artichoke
  
  Dear BIN,
  I am ALL for free speech.
  This guy has been pasting the same thing now for months.
  Is that not the definition of SPAM?
  Can this please stop.
  I look to the comments section for article related conversation, not someone’s religious beliefs, posted ad nauseum.
  
  Jun 20, 2021, 12:59 am 0 Reply
  - nikita
    
    “I am ALL for free speech.”~ if so maybe you should let things be?
    
    Free speech is someone else’s right to say what we may not like/ agree with?
    
    I agree a change from the same script might be overdue though~hint hint @ allendaves.
    
    Jun 20, 2021, 9:58 am 0 Reply
Jude

I had a similar cool relationship with my father. He didn’t really light up with joy when we would get together, but always had a feeling of pleasant familiarity. When he died of a heart attack at age 78, I was calm, reasoning that he had lived a relatively long life, on his own terms. At the funeral, seeing the body, I shed tears when, for the first time in my life, dad didn’t greet me with friendly gaze.

Jun 19, 2021, 10:46 pm 0 Reply

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