So My Mother Was Taken To the Hospital In An Ambulance...

My sister told me that last night our mother was screaming in pain from the bursitis that she’s been suffering from for over a year at this point. Sis had to call 911 to get an ambulance to take Mumsie to a hospital in Portland.

It’s reached the point where my mother cannot even go to the bathroom by herself, and rather than go to a care facility, she’s forcing my sister to help her– but Erica’s been trained to be helpless, and it would be beyond her capabilities in any event. My aunt Dora tried to get my mother to agree to go to a nursing facility, and of course Mumsie refused and will continue to do so. Her mind is still as sharp as it was in the 80s, so she won’t be tricked into it or anything. And she’s the most stubborn person I know. Hell no, she won’t go!

Despite the severity of the situation, I’ve also heard that Erica’s been told to stop messaging and bothering my aunt Dora’s husband Ronald about my mother’s issues. My sister doesn’t know when it’s okay to contact people and when it’s not, but it must have been pretty bad for them to tell her to stop contact with him completely.

It appears certain, however, that within a few months at the most, my mother will go to a home and the house she owns with my sister will have to be trashed out and sold. That’s good news for my sister, naturally, and maybe for Cat, as it means they both get their money and things move forward for them. It’s good news for Dora, too– since it means that she won’t have to care for my mother several times a week like she does now. Driving her to get groceries (my mother won’t accept home delivery, apparently) and to any other errands, even if Mumsie can’t even really walk anymore. It takes HOURS to go to the store.

For myself–? I can only roll my eyes at all of this. I knew this shit would go down messy. It’s why I walked away years ago. You cannot reason with crazy, and my mother is completely crazy– but not in a way the law recognizes… YET.

Another weird tidbit is something about my mother potentially committing suicide was mentioned by Dora, and it could be that the trip to the hospital is my mother’s way to get pain killing meds she could overdose on for just that purpose. I doubt it. Why would my mother make it so easy for everyone else by sacrificing herself? I think the mention of it is more Dora’s fears that if Mumsie dies, she herself won’t get any of that money! My mother doesn’t have a will, and refused to make one, so her share of any value from the home she owns with my sister would be split 50/50 with me– and Dora would get nothing for her many years of loyal servitude of her older sister, my crazy stubborn mother.

Dora is very well off money-wise, so I don’t feel sorry for her. And she’s pretty much been my enemy since my childhood because I didn’t bow and scrape to her authority. I couldn’t be scared of her after growing up with my father, though, so she failed to intimidate me, much to her great rancor. She’s never forgiven me for being independent or for encouraging same from her daughter. I’m sure she’s thrilled to have her one child, my cousin Lisa, under her grim skirts these last 20 years! My mother really did her a favor in separating my cousin from me!

Now she and Lisa want Erica in a group home to “protect” her from my… greed? Cruelty? I’m not sure what it is they think I’ll do! But whatever they imagine is a GREAT excuse to fuck over my sister and myself and take most or all of the money my mother leaves behind! (Which really isn’t that much!)

And– into that massive crap show I shall have to wade!

I’ll need to fumigate that hoarder’s house (worse than most I’ve seen on any reality show) and throw away ANYTHING that can’t be wiped off with bleach. My mother’s home has fleas, cockroaches, and rats! Most of the magazines, books, and furniture will be tossed into a giant dumpster. My sister and her cat will have to have special baths before I can permit them at Heron Hold again. Then I’ll have to clean that place as best I can before doing an estate “as-is” sale. The place is just 3 years from being paid off, and it’s small but close to Portland so worth over $200,000 even in the condition it’s in. Erica just needs half of that to buy her own Special Care Mobile Home to live on at Heron Hold. I’m sure this will take time, as shit will go into escrow until the estates debts are settled, but there really aren’t many at this point.

I’ve already made some phone calls and let friends who live down in Portland know I might have to stay with them for a few days here and there, possibly for WEEKS. I’m very lucky to have several people who are so supportive of me when I have so little to give back. Those people are my real family. I know I couldn’t handle all this shit coming up without them. And knowing Cat is helping me create a home for my sister. I couldn’t do this without her, either.

So… I said I didn’t have much to bitch about these days, right?

I spoke too soon.

In the not-so-distant future, I’m going to have a great deal to rant about, I’m thinking. Alive or dead, my mother’s doling out some suffering in the worst possible way, and I’m facing it to do the right thing by my sister. It would be easier to walk away and let Dora take over, but I can’t do that to my sister. Erica doesn’t deserve the fate my relatives have consigned to her, and that means I have to TRY. If Dora sues me or tries some shit, I don’t have a lot on my side besides friends and a couple of social workers. If I fail, at least my conscience will be clear that I gave it my best shot. But even if I succeed, this whole situation will be full of pain and rage and I already know I’m not ready for it. It doesn’t matter, of course, I don’t have any power to stop the inevitable.

This is going to suck so hard.