10 Things You Didn’t Know About Republicans

As a Republican, I’d like to share ten things most folks on the left don’t know about us. For you Republicans and Libertarians, this list will come as no surprise. However, for those of you who identify as Democrats or “liberals,” you might want to read on.

Here are the 10 things you didn’t know about Republicans:

1. We’re proud of our party’s history, and we’re ashamed of yours.

We’re proud of our party’s history. The Republican party was founded to end slavery in the United States. We fought a war against the Democrats in order to end slavery forever – it was called the Civil War. Today, people on the left think the Civil War was North vs. South, but in reality it was Republicans vs. Democrats, and the Republicans won (thank god).

After we won the Civil War, we dominated the political landscape for decades, and we passed a ton of laws to help black people, women, and other disadvantaged groups to ensure everyone was treated equally under the law.

Additionally, we gave everyone the right to vote despite furious and even violent resistance from the Democrats. We fought against significant opposition from racist Democrats who passed Jim Crow Laws, and we watched as the Democrats founded the KKK. Later in the century, we wrote and passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 despite Democrat opposition. We managed to pass the Civil Rights Act even though LBJ, who was a Democrat, was a known racist.

Our positive policies toward equality and liberty continued to this day, but we’ve had to watch in horror as Democrats successfully managed to rewrite history. Their propagandists have convinced far too many that our parties switched at some unknown time.

The reality is, we never switched. The racist Democrats stayed Democrats, and smart liberty-conscious blue-collar southern folks began to vote Republican as they saw our platform was better. Meanwhile, Democrats devised a nefarious plan to court the minority vote by re-enslaving them, but this time as welfare recipients. Eventually the coastal cities broke up between academic, leftist and elitist “new liberals,” and working-class and upper-class “classical liberals” who remained Republicans.

By combining this elitist class with their minority subjects, the Democrats were able to seize the coastal vote away from Republicans in later years (apart from Ronald Reagan in the 1980s). This continues to this day.

2. We care more about the poor and disadvantaged than you do.

We care more about the poor and disadvantaged than you do – you just don’t know it. It’s not as obvious, because our party seeks to teach people how to fish, not to provide handouts. We do this, because we know it truly helps the disadvantaged. Your handouts make them dependent on you, which is why you do it – for their votes.

We don’t do handouts because we’re Republicans. Republicans believe in individualism, and capitalism, and we believe in liberty, justice, and freedom for all. No one should be judged by the color of their skin or by their sexual orientation (and this includes affirmative action). We sought bigger government when we needed it, and we seek smaller government now.

As for borders, we want to protect our country, and to protect those citizens who need it most. The poor here already need jobs, why take them away? Legal immigration or bust. Unlike some other places, we are a nation of laws.

We are real progressives, and real liberals. You’ve hijacked our word. You aren’t liberal, we are – which is why we go by “classical liberal” or “libertarian” – you’ve corrupted the word liberal to mean something it isn’t. You’ve also corrupted the word progressive. You think you’re progressive, but we know you’re actually regressive.

We figured out slavery was bad before you, and we fought to end it. Today, we know abortion is wrong, and we’re fighting to end it. We’re always on the right side of history, and you aren’t.

3. We know more about business and economics than you.

It’s very true, according to the New York Fed. Your party suffers from having too many folks in the same career track: journalists (over 90% are leftists), academics (again, over 90% are left-wing), entertainers (nearly 100%), and of course the dependent urban poor.

Fortunately for us, we’re business men and women, lawyers, doctors, economists, blue-collar workers, consultants, financiers, real estate developers, chefs, writers and much more. We have diversity within our ranks, and we’re more well-informed as a result. We understand the economy better, because we actually run it. While “liberals” seek grants and handouts, Republicans create jobs and find opportunity.

Just like you, we want a living wage for all. We just know how to get it, and you don’t.

4. We probably think you’re dumb.

This one needs no explanation, but to humor you I’ll try. The old saying goes, “if you’re young and conservative, you have no heart, and if you’re old and liberal you have no brain.” It’s not just a funny quote – it’s true. If you’re young, liberal and dumb, we give you a pass. Kids aren’t smart. However, if you’re over the age of 30, and still a liberal, we think you’re dumb.

You wouldn’t be a liberal if you knew how bad Democrat policies are for poor people, if you knew how and why our policies work, or if you understood basic economics. You wouldn’t be a liberal if you understood the Constitution – but you haven’t read it, have you? If you knew anything about U.S. history you probably wouldn’t vote Democrat – but you don’t, do you?

5. We laugh at the mainstream media and liberal elites.

We laugh at John Oliver and Stephen Colbert just like you, but for very different reasons.

We think they’re morons, and we think they’re making fools of themselves – constantly displaying a deep and profound lack of basic knowledge. We laugh at CNN also, and the New York Times. These publications and broadcasts you take so seriously, we think are a joke. We know how biased and irrelevant they are, but you seem to think they matter. This Russia story? It’s a joke. The real story is all the corruption within the DNC – it’s buried – because the media is your lapdog. Congratulations.

This is why we call them “fake news,” because they are. The mainstream media pushes their liberal agenda because over 90% of journalists are liberal (and the few conservative ones work for Fox and Breitbart). We don’t take them seriously – they’re a joke to us – and so are you.

6. When you get angry or violent, we win.

This has been the history of the Democrats and the Republicans since the 19th century. When you get violent or angry, we win. We kicked your butts in the Civil War, and we will do it again if necessary. We beat down the KKK, and we put an end to segregation. Today, you’re trying to bring segregation back – but we’ll just kick your butts again.

You never learn do you? This is the land of the free, not the land of the oppressed. We value our families, our freedom of speech, our liberty, our freedom of religion, our safety, and our guns – and you don’t. Black Lives Matter is just the new KKK. You don’t know that, because you’re slow on the uptake.

7. We know Socialism and Communism are evil, and you don’t.

For some reason, leftists seem to think it’s a good idea to try something that clearly doesn’t work, has never worked, and has resulted in the deaths of hundreds of millions of people over the last century.

Newsflash, North Korea is Communist. Newsflash, Nazis were Socialist.

No thanks. It doesn’t work. We know that. You don’t. End of story.

8. We don’t rank victims, which is why we see a problem with Islam.

Unlike you, we don’t rank people by victim-hood. We seek equality under the law for all, and nothing more. We don’t play favorites. You used to hate blacks, now you hate whites. Just stop.

Since we don’t play favorites, we can objectively analyze what’s happening with Islam, and it isn’t good. Muslims need to reform their religion, and eliminate extremists. Until they do so, we have an obligation to protect ourselves, just like when we had to protect ourselves against the Nazis.

Guess what, Communists and Socialists in the U.S. opposed war with Nazis also. And remember, the Nazis liked radical Islam, and vice versa. Don’t be Nazi sympathizers. Don’t sympathize with Islamic extremism.

9. We make more money than you, and we’re better looking.

It’s true! And also true!

10. Despite all this, we still care about you.

We really do. We want what’s best for you and for our country. Sometimes you frustrate us, and we often think you’re off the rails, but ultimately, we hope to get our country back on track together.

Republicans are not divisive. We want a stronger union, and we want to preserve and protect this great nation for generations to come.