Tesla’s Death Dive

It is beginning.

Actually, it’s been happening for a long time – like a slowly metastasizing cancer. The afflicted can no longer hide the underlying disease.

Tesla is dying.

Elon is panicking – and executives are bailing. Yesterday, the company’s chief accounting officer, Dave Morton, resigned less than a month after taking the job. What do you imagine he  . . . took account of?

Left column, right column. What didn’t add up?

“Since I joined Tesla on August 6th, the level of public attention placed on the company, as well as the pace within the company, have exceeded my expectations,” Morton said a statement released by the company in a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission. “As a result, this caused me to reconsider my future.”

Italics added.

This is the sort of pabulum boilerplate issued by fleeing White House staffers, who sense a sinking ship and would rather not get wet.

“I want to be clear that I believe strongly in Tesla, its mission, and its future prospects, and I have no disagreements with Tesla’s leadership or its financial reporting,” he added.

Of course. I have nothing but respect for the president and his leadership…

Also abandoning ship is Tesla’s chief “people officer” –  whatever that is. Gaby Toledano – who served as whatever that is – also announced she will not be coming back to work on the same day that Morton pinched his nose with his left hand and jumped over the railings into the water below.

Musk released another boilerplate nothing-to-see-here statement: Toledano is merely leaving in order to ” . . . spend more time with her family and has decided to continue doing so for personal reasons.”

But the Street is not taking these departures lightly.

Tesla’s stock prices took a a 6.3 percent dive on Friday; the night prior (Thursday) Elon was seen on a Podcast smoking a joint and drinking whiskey and looking extremely Doomed, like a saggy male version of Anne Bolyen the day before her date with the French swordsman King Henry had imported as a final gesture of kindness toward his soon to be headless ex.

But the death dive is steeper than just 6.3 percent. Since August – when Elon began to show public signs of coming unglued – the value of the electric car company’s stock has lost a third of its former value.

This followed Musk’s surprise (to investors) announcement that he was going to take the company private – so as to keep its coming-unglued operations private. For the first time since the electric car con’s founding some 15 years ago, mainstream media analysts were finally beginning to raise their hands and ask serious questions. This unnerved Elon, who responded dismissively and petulantly.

“Boring!”

“Lame!”

But, as the saying goes, reality bites.

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