First Kiss

A mans walks into a bar and sees Ted Cruz and Donald Trump sitting at a table. He asks the bartender if that’s really them, to which the bartender says that it is. The man eases over to the table and asks what they are doing there.

“I’m planning a war in Iran that will kill two million Muslims and one big breasted blonde,” Trump says.

The man looks puzzled and asks, “Why would you want to kill a big breasted blonde?”

Trump smiles and tells Cruz, “See! I told you no one cares about Muslims!”

Now, when this goes up on the Tea Party Tribune, and some kid reads it to a friend during lunch at the University of Texas I just broke the law of Greg Abbott. Apologies to all the big breasted blondes on campus.

It is now illegal to tell such a joke, hear such a joke, or even hear ABOUT such a joke on campus in the Lone Testicle State. But, what constitutes a joke? A #METOO supporter wearing a pussy hat? Two students kidding each other about Becky Rottencroutch? Or a picture of Dennis Bonnen’s wife?

The biggest joke here is the rape of freedom of speech. We have gone from not being able to express political ideas outside of Free Speech Zones to Doc Greene doing a free show on campus and getting into trouble for singing “Skinny Legs and All!!”

All this overt attention to women makes you consider that ten million gay men can’t be WRONG! We’re back to animal farm. Some animals are more equal. Now, I know this article is going to raise the ire of practically every femenazi out there.

Y’all have to understand that I come from a time when men were men, women were women, and the sheep were nervous. And we didn’t have MORE rape. We didn’t have MORE disrespect. If anything we had more consideration for women than now. We cherished our girls. That’s why you have all these golden anniversaries from our era and are damn lucky to get five years out of a Millennial marriage if you get a marriage at all! That’s why boys married girls. That’s why you had Doc and Joanna Greene!

Imposed social behaviors will never replace nature. There’s that little spark that comes when a boy kisses a girl for the first time, and neither of them has it quite right but know that there is something there they can’t see, and know that it’s special. Something between them and them alone. Something in the words, “I love you” that Webster can’t define, and Abbott can’t legislate. I still remember the exact spot in Condor Park where Pam Burns let me kiss her. A first kiss is like crack. You’ll never top the first one. That kiss forever belongs to me and Pam, and I can’t make a joke about that!

The Butcher Shop

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