Return of the Cat Monster

You may have noticed here very recently that I’m back to bitching about Cat!

For awhile there, she was better– she was micro-dosing mushrooms to treat her depression at an adequate level and actively respecting my boundaries regarding what was and was not okay to say to me when she was upset. She forgot maybe once or twice a month, but it wasn’t too bad. In addition, I tried to cut her a break, both outwardly to her, and inwardly to myself– and that helped reduce the seething resentment.

However, when Amara and I had our tiff, Cat had to reduce her dosage in fear of not finding more in time later, and that definitely worsened her mood disorder. And, as I’ve already mentioned, my extra empathy seemed to have made it easier for Cat to backslide when it came to honoring her word in what’s okay to say around me.

I’m extremely pleased that Amara and I are back on speaking terms AND that Amara gave Cat free shrooms for Yule, since Cat couldn’t really afford to buy much. In addition, it was really Amara’s fault for disappearing on us for weeks that we were in such a dilemma to begin with! I think Amara owed her that much without doubt.

Naturally, too, I am rolling my eyes at myself that I stupidly allowed Cat to breach my boundaries, even rewarding her for the behavior. Cat is one of those “give an inch, take a mile” people, since the autism means she has very little natural social shame. I was doing better, legitimately, but I won’t stay better if I don’t watch out for myself!

And it took a few weeks before she began to really bug me once more after months of things being better. But… yeah.

She hasn’t back-slid completely yet, but it’s swiftly heading in that direction. I’m going to encourage her to return her mushie dosage to normal and I’ll have to make it clear again that I have to walk away from any suicidal talk. As it is, she says something about just giving up on life almost every single day! And though I’m empathic towards the sadness, I’m now getting pissed for the petulant, spoiled-baby attitude and the manipulative nature of it all. Does she think God will bring her dead mommy back if she throws enough temper tantrums? ‘Cuz… spoiler alert!

I’m trying to encourage her to simply say she feels _______
Anyways… I think this is fixable, clearly. But I can’t keep making it too easy for her to back slide. I have boundaries for a reason! I must keep to them! Clearly, I dare not bend too far with her. She’ll break me.

LATER NOTE: Cat gave up St. John’s Wort as a natural antidepressant a few months before, and her attitude declined further and further as we went along. I did not know this when I was writing about how she was getting worse and worse. Now I know WHY she was getting worse.