Sex, Relationships, Alcohol, Divorce, And Love Whatever That Is! One Woman’s Story
This touching story is shared via a reader and supporter of Red Shaman Intergalactic Ascension Mission, is sure to help many with the expansion of energy towards loving unlimitedness… thanks angel, such a gift you’ve shared…it’s your love. All our relations… everyone is healing through these times if we choose…, :)
Love theft, Love lost, fear of Love
My quest started with visiting a shaman years ago, for an answer on the question Soul theft, Soul lost. He could heal that, was said in an article. I went, it was a Soul lost and he healed it. But I never felt a difference. Maybe you don’t feel something like that.
I had a very narcissistic mother and always absanthee father. I was always convinced that my mother was after my soul, and fought like a lion to protect it. With what I know now I can say that my mother must have been a reptilian or reptilian related. The family I come from was very complicated.
I grew up and became an adolescent. Although it was never talked about, I guessed that I would learn about Love. At the same time I was pretty punished for being interested in boys. Because ‘they were always after thát, and losing the crown on your head was easier than getting it back’, my mother used to say. Sex. That’s all I ever heard about it. The fear for shame over an unmarried mother. My mother opened all locks of her misandry to ‘protect’ me.
And thus I went into my first marriage. A repetition of the lovelessness that a relation was to me.
Within two years I was gone. Obviously I did not find Love, whatever that was.
A second marriage followed, and ended with a lot of grief after 7 years. Because I found True Love, I thought.
Problems started with anorexia, and I went into therapy.
We had two children, the most beautiful experience in the life of a woman, I was told. But I was scared. Scared of childbirth and the incredible responsibility for a new life.
I knew that this time I would discover True Love, because everybody told me so.
But it was a different cup of tea. It might be mentioned the most beautiful experience in a woman’s life, but my life was just turned upside down.
At the sudden a whole new human being was added, and my body lost its youth in a trice. The passion was gone and I felt really bad.
The second child came, very planned, but passion and sex were dispelled definitely. I had other things to do and every day again I was happy when I made it to my bed.
For men it’s different. For them sex is a physical need like food and water.
After childbirth I had it for a while. But for my husband hope arised that all would be like in those days again. It felt like a hot breath in my neck. Instead of a partner and a baby it felt like having two babies with different needs, and a lost of a partner. He was really kind and helpful, but also constantly showed me that I treated him badly. It must be me, I thought, and did not talk about it. That would have felt like betraying my partner.
The magazines and commercials showed totally different pictures of families with young children. Women that cheerfully started every day, the house always cleaned up, arranging flowers, looking perfectly, with all the time and attention for their partners coming home, for a quickie next to the laundry, to after all that going on running fresh and cheerful between the cooker and the table, while the husband for a little while rolled over the clean floor with his good mooded kids.
Again I thought that should be me, was ashamed and kept my mouth. That’s how mind control works.
O well, so now I learned about the Love so many women mentioned.
Sex belonged to the passed and my relation was dying a slow death, while in between I tried to keep my head up with alcohol. I did what I could, but the inevitable divorce showed up.
Now my children are flown away and I had time for myself. I came to a point where I could not live any further and started writing, for over a year, in which I sometimes twisted on the ground because of the inner pain that was caused by my narcissistic mother who went on and on. I wrote my life back to a livable level.
I started questioning myself why a tiny 2 cm snail could touch me so deeply, or a kitten, or a bird. I never had that feeling for my own kids.
Something had to be very very wrong with me.
I became inquisitive for experiences with sex after birth by other woman. So I interviewed just a few. After long thinking they hesitating confirmed having had the same experience. They looked a bit ashamed.
I heard about a program on tv with dr. Phil, where a man screamed at his wife feeling deceived by her about their sex-life. And I thought of the father of my children who must have felt the same. And many men with him.
What is the crucial point in all this?
Love is missing.
Again I came to the point of ‘It must be me’ when I now hear all those calls for Love and that Love is the only law.
I searched in every corner, but no Love. No idea.
Now I know about mind control, about our feelings and thoughts being manipulated in a very advanced way.
We were tought to see lust and passion being love.
We were tought to see tenderness being love. But although tenderness will be part of love, it’s a commercial thing, good for the economy and maybe therefore enlarged. Think of baby and child products, stuffed animals and other alternatives. Do men have that feelings? I didn’t see it.
Yesterday I read in an old book of Numerology of 1975 the parts about subconsciousness and karma. I had a short vision about the fear of humanity delivered by the messages of religions. At the sudden it was clear to me that I, who never had fears, under lots of layers, had a fear of Love. It always had a price tag, that what I was supposed to see as love. Always. Nothing was for free, in particular within my relations.
Once I was a happy cheerful woman, looking good. But after the birth of my children that dried. Every time I saw hope rising at my husband that maybe I also wanted sex. My appearance started sending the message I was not home.
Maybe I never had any Love inside of me. Very rarely I feel a tiny short warm feeling with my children, but it could also be pride, because I’m really proud of them.
I can only speak on behalf of women, and than of myself.
Religions reduced women to monsters. Unreliable sex objects, necessary for posterity. I can say that I now know they also are behind mind control and I myself am more aware. Whatever religion you’re looking at, women are always in limbo, unclean during their menstruation, dangerous temptresses that must be chained, too simple for their writing and in general not worth paying attention to.
How could we ever learn to love ourselves, which is the condition for loving others.
In the opposite way men must be the same victims with their superior feelings, in a society that literately in the financial way rewards men higher than women.
Women fought for that with women’s lib, understandable, and it did a great thing, but again there was no Love.
So now we are called to enlarge our Love. I would love to. But I have no idea what Love is. For me it’s just a word. I tried to meditate. But most of the time I forget about it or make sure not to fall asleep (without alcohol:)).
My story is my story, but in general I don’t think it’s unique. The whole of humanity is being brainwashed and controlled.
Be honest and brave and look at your own situation with an open heart. I many times faked orgasms and God knows what more. But it’s lieing. It’s hard to admit. Only when the mist is gone you can see clear. Know yourself. Love is not about walking around with plastic wings, flowers in your hair and a smile on your face whispering the word love.
Love is truth, missing love when you see it, truth nearby. I’m sure.
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